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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25657453">Find me a place in your heart please (A tiny place where it doesn't bleed)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seemscomplicated/pseuds/Seemscomplicated'>Seemscomplicated</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Divergence, Ellie says fuck this I’m going home, F/F, No but really, Potato is an absolute ANGEL you can’t tell me otherwise, a bit of angst, but also the good old healing™️, unbetad because i said so</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:42:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25657453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seemscomplicated/pseuds/Seemscomplicated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When the realization of what she’d done sinks in, Ellie struggles too accept that this is what she’s become. That this is what she does now- as if she didn’t already have enough blood on her hands. </p><p>But when Dina holds tight her in the theater, Ellie realizes she has a chance to pick a different path. A path that won’t break her entirely.</p><p> A path she knows Joel would’ve wanted her to pick.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina &amp; Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie/Dina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>120</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeet</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The warm, thick liquid spreads across her hands; her arms. </p><p>She can feel it dripping down her fingers, droplets of it landing on the concrete beneath her.</p><p>She doesn’t need to look down at herself to know she’s coated in blood. It’s all over her, splattered like paint.</p><p>Her ears are still ringing, the sound of metal meeting flesh and bone repeating itself in endless loops. Her lungs burn when she tries to breathe, and momentarily Ellie manages to snap out of the dark haze the universe had deemed upon her.</p><p>If there was a god, a spirit; something greater, Ellie was quite sure it hated her. Maybe she deserved it.</p><p> </p><p>She turned around and dropped the metal bar covered in blood and pieces flesh, bone. She couldn’t look back. She’s done looking back, because she’ll never get back the years she spent hating him, looking back and never giving him a second chance. The old familiar ache of self hatred settles in her stomach, and Ellie welcomes it. The hurt reminds her of why she’s here. Her reason for all this, and she hopes it’s enough for him to forgive her; even if he’s dead and buried.</p><p> </p><p>Leah - or whats left of her - took a bit of Ellie with her when she finally stopped coughing and died; gurgling and choking on her own blood. It rips away a tiny piece of her soul, like everyone else she’s killed had done. But her death was necessary, Ellie tells herself.</p><p> </p><p>Leah lays on the ground, her brain splattered across the floor and wall. Her skull cracked open like a walnut; blood still pouring out of it. Ellie tries not think about if she had family, friends.</p><p>Did she have someone who loved her?</p><p>Did she have someone to take care of her; someone who would hug her and kiss her, tell her everything was going to be alright, eventually.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie tries not to think about the fact that she could have <em>stopped</em> this. Years ago. She tries to push the thoughts away but they spread their poison throughout her like wildfire, mocking her. She’s tired; <em>so</em> fucking tired. </p><p>The chains on her body keep her from walking away further and she falls to her knees, her stomach emptying itself before she even realizes it. But it’s empty and hollow; and all that comes out of her is her broken sobs and spit.</p><p> </p><p>She wishes her mother would’ve taken her along with her when she drew her last breaths.</p><p> </p><p>The ugly, jagged and scarred surface on her arm stings underneath her attempts to hide it. Another cruel reminder of what could have been.</p><p> </p><p>but the music keeps on playing in the shopping center; Riley never had the chance to do anything about it.</p><p>////</p><p> </p><p>It’s uncanny; the way this girl looks just like her. The same hair, same clothes. She has the same hollow soul, walking through Seattle like a ghost.</p><p> </p><p>But it’s not a nightmare, or the bridge between Life and death. She’s watching herself from above, like someone took her soul and left her body to wander aimlessly.</p><p>She misses Joel. He’d know what to do, he’d tell her how to fix this. He’d talk some sense into her, so she could understand her own mind again. </p><p>He’ll help her, once she comes back. He’s gonna help her. And he’ll tell her it was all just a nightmare, and that she’s okay now.</p><p> </p><p>Ellie keeps walking.</p><p> </p><p>/////</p><p> </p><p>He never comes. She can’t hear him or see him or feel him. She only feels the rain dripping down on her, clattering against the roof of the theater.</p><p> </p><p>She moves and speaks; sees her hand move and feels her mouth open. But she doesn’t feel the thud of the door against her fist and she can’t hear the words coming out of her.</p><p>Her feet hurt, wet and sore. They make a creaking sound when she walks, guided inside by Dina. There’s blood on her shirt, and Ellie realizes Dina must’ve hugged her. And now she’s tainted with blood, spilled by Ellie’s own hands. It makes her sick.</p><p> </p><p>She can almost feel the bile in her throat, but Dina holds her arm and leads her away and she follows.</p><p> </p><p>///</p><p> </p><p>It takes a while but eventually shes returned to herself, somewhat. Not completely- she’s convinced she’ll never be able too. The world has been harsh and cruel to her- and she let it be. She let it consume her mind; her <em>soul</em>. And Ellie knows that’s not something you come back from without a piece of your soul being left behind.</p><p>
  <em>Riley</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tess</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sam</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Joel</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It’s a constant nagging ache in the back of her head. They’re dead. <em>Gone</em>. And she’s alive right now. Her existence could’ve easily put an end to this chaotic world, born anew thanks to her. But she’s <em>alive</em>. She’s still here. And every single death caused by the infected- she could have saved. It feels wrong that she gets to be here but they don’t. That somehow, her life matters more.</p><p> </p><p>And yet - she can’t help them. Because Dinas arms have found their way around Ellie’s shoulders and chest, pulling her in. It’s startling at first - but in a good way. It brings her back, back to where she is. And she’s here in Dinas arms, trying not to break apart at the seams.</p><p>Ellie knows she loves Dina, no matter how complicated things get. Years of denying it made no difference. She has a home in Jackson- a place to go to and feel safe and welcome and <em>warm</em>. She has people there - people who care about her.</p><p> </p><p>She’s been on this god forsaken earth for nineteen years - and yet she feels the responsibility of a <em>thousand</em> lifetimes eating away at her soul and crushing her shoulders with its weight. She’s tired. So <em>fucking</em> tired. Tired of the hurting, the ache. Not just hers - she’s tired of hurting and killing people. </p><p>Ellie wants to know what it’s like to be <em>happy</em>. Sure - she’d been happy as a kid, running around being careless, laughing. She’d read books; so <em>many</em> books. She liked space because that’s where she wanted to be when she grew up. She’d imagine flying around up there among the stars and looking down at this big ball of life.</p><p>But then school started teaching them about self defense and the fastest way to kill someone instead of science or space, and the idea of herself in a spaceship up above the clouds floated further and further away.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not that she wasn’t happy but when you grow up like that - it’s difficult to be happy, the way ellie wants to be. She wants butterflies-in-her-stomach kind of happy. The happy where Dina looks at her just a little bit too long and blushes when Ellie notices. The kind of happy that makes her face hurt because she can’t stop smiling. She wants happiness with Dina, and their <em>future</em>- growing safely inside of her, getting ready to be brought into the world and experience <em>life</em>. She wants Jesse to be there along with his kind and loving parents. And she wants Maria to have her husband back, in one piece. </p><p>And Ellie knows that Joel would want that for her.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to go home.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s a simple statement; just a few words. But it feels bigger than that, more important. Ellie’s decided that she gets to control what her life will bring her this time. And she chooses <em>home</em>. She chooses <em>Dina</em>. She chooses happiness.</p><p>Dina only sighs, and she can tell it’s filled with relief. Her love kisses her neck; shoulders. Soft lips grazing every single cut and wound marking her back. </p><p>Her mind is quiet, calm.</p><p>And she can finally breathe again.</p><p> </p><p>////</p><p> </p><p>Jesse doesn’t get to meet his child. Instead he gets a bullet in his head and the cold floor that catches him when he falls down.</p><p>Ellie hates the universe. She’d chosen <em>happiness</em> and the universe gives her <em>death</em>. It gives her a child without a father. </p><p>It breaks the already thin thread she’s hanging onto and she hopes this is fucking it because she won’t make it afterwards if this isn’t the end for her. So she pushes herself up to her feet and gives up.</p><p>But something moving behind Abby catches her eye, so she stays alert.</p><p>Abby is saying something - and ellie couldn’t care less because behind her is <em>Dina</em> running towards her with a knife in her hand. </p><p>Abby bleeds out on the floor, the knife settled deep in her throat.</p><p>Tommy pulled the trigger on the young scar, but not before he managed to release an arrow - the sharp object making its way through Dinas shoulder.</p><p>They bring Jesse back to Jackson, and the whole town grows quiet. His parents scream and cry and Ellie hates herself for being the reason Jesse was outside the safe walls of Jackson in the first place.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Unbetad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>The paste between her fingers smells good, like spring and the beach and flowers. She carefully passes her sticky fingers over Dinas scar, still red and angry from the arrow that created it. The brunettes breath hitches, the sting bringing back the hurt and sadness she doesn’t want to feel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie finishes as quickly as she’s able to, and drags her shirt back down. Dina turns around and brings her body close to Ellie’s, so close she can hear her heart beat under her chest. The bump between them made it awkward at first, her body making it a struggle to get comfortable. But they figured it out, eventually. They always have. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should really get going, y’know.” Dina mumbles, face pressed into Ellie’s chest as she sighs slowly, content. “It’s probably already started.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Ellie shrugs halfheartedly, ”probably.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither of them makes a move to pull away. Dina wishes they could stay like this forever, and she’s pretty sure ellie feels the same. But reality hits them yet again - or </span>
  <em>
    <span>kicks </span>
  </em>
  <span>them - when the small human inside Dinas stomach harshly pushes its feet outwards, just under her ribs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey- ow!” She complains, her hands gently stroking the sides of her belly, “that hurt, actually.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie almost chuckles, but the look Dina gives her when she’s about to do it makes her want to sprint away and hide in the closet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead she drops to one knee, pulling up the shirt covering the bump in front of her. Dina looks down with a wide smile on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, kid.” Ellie speaks, a little unsure of herself. She continues anyway, “uhm, I know you’re getting kinda bored in there, but don’t take it out on your mom, okay?” They both laugh quietly. “We can’t wait to meet you, but kicking and spinning around in there isn’t gonna make it go any faster, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if to tease her, Dinas stomach bulges slightly under her belly button, the shape of a small foot making its way to Ellie’s hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now Dina is sure she’s going to cry, because her lover’s face lights up like a kids would on Christmas and she can’t remember if she’s ever seen a smile so beautiful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie laughs - the full on teary eyed </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>kind of laughter - and it echoes throughout the house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dee!” She shrieks, rising to her feet and placing a hand over her mouth in disbelief. “I- what? You-“ she can’t bring herself to form the words, too happy and excited and emotional and </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They like you,” Dina says, and Ellie can hear the ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I told you so’</span>
  </em>
  <span> that went unspoken. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dina.” She’s serious now, wide eyed. “There’s a baby in there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it’s Dinas turn to laugh because she so </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> pregnant and it’s impossible not to notice it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah? I mean-“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, like. There is a living, breathing </span>
  <em>
    <span>human</span>
  </em>
  <span> inside of you right now. and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>touched me</span>
  </em>
  <span> with its foot!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ellie. Please tell me you’re not realizing this just now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Ellie hurries,”it’s just… crazy. That’s all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina agrees with a quiet ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>hm’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>and watches as the girl in front of her processes the situation. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nerd</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thinks. she just hopes their kid doesn’t grow up obsessing over comic books and space, like someone else she knows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yeah, that’s not true. Dina hopes their baby grows up to be every part of Ellie, and Jesse. She doesn’t care about passing on her own genes- they will raise the kid to be kind and gentle, and they’ll know who their dad was and that he loves them. She can </span>
  <em>
    <span>accept </span>
  </em>
  <span>the comic books and space jokes, if that ever happens. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>////</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s me. I just wanted to stop by and let you know that Dinas having the baby today. At least we think so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie picks at the flowers scattered around his grave, rearranging some candles and making sure everything is in its place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s not in labor right now, but she woke up today with contractions.” She reaches behind her head and scratches her neck, “I mean I’m not really familiar with this whole </span>
  <em>
    <span>pregnancy </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing but I’m pretty sure contractions leads to Dina pushing him out, eventually.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Ellie cringes at her own words. She couldn’t even </span><em><span>try</span></em><span> to imagine what it could be like to </span><em><span>push</span></em> <em><span>a baby out</span></em><span> from your </span><em><span>vagina</span></em><span>. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyways, me and a couple of other people made bets on the gender,” she tells him, “I think you’d bet on a boy. Like me. Nobody knows the gender, so we’ll see. But it’s a boy. I can feel it, and I’m not even the one who’s pregnant.” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels good, talking to him like this. he would talk to her if she was dead to, Ellie thinks. Not in the weird, kind of creepy way - just checking in and letting your loved one know what’s going on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It helped her, a lot, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first weeks when they got back were nothing but a cycle of darkness and hurt. For all of them. Especially Dina, who had a constant reminder of what happened growing inside her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina talked a lot with Jesse as well. while she’s far away from ever being </span>
  <em>
    <span>religious </span>
  </em>
  <span>the act of talking to someone beyond the grave gave her a sense of hope. Like they’re not only doing all this - </span>
  <em>
    <span>living - </span>
  </em>
  <span>for  themselves; but for the people left behind on the road to get here. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie promises Joel to come by with the baby when they’re ready and checks over the stone again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tells Jesse he’ll get to meet his son after all, and promises that she and Dina will make sure the baby knows who their father was and how much he loves them. She promises the kid is going to know Jesse as his father, because that is how they’ll raise him; kind and gentle and </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Like his father was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//// </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesse-Joel enters the world with a loud wail and a red, screaming face. He’s big, too - even Esther says so. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esther was a doctor - before the world went to shit - and one of the few people in Jackson who has the knowledge needed to heal people. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tells them that their baby boy is healthy and strong, and makes Dina promise her to rest after she leaves. It wasn’t easy - the birth. He’d been big, and for a first timer like Dina it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>rough</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But Ellie was there with her the whole time, and Esther was kind and gentle; always making sure Dina felt safe. so she pushed through - </span>
  <em>
    <span>literally </span>
  </em>
  <span>- and after almost a days worth of pain and tears and blood, their son was born. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he came with the promise of a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> future and </span>
  <em>
    <span>happiness. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>After making sure Dina was okay - ready to introduce JJ to the world outside - ellie carefully pushed the door open, the only thing separating them from the rest of their family and friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dinas parents was at her side in an instant; kissing her forehead and making sure she knew just how </span>
  <em>
    <span>proud</span>
  </em>
  <span> they were of her. Eli and Jael had always been kind to Ellie - they had  helped her carve and shape her home here in Jackson, making sure she felt safe and sound inside the walls and protecting her from those who hindered it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jesses parents - Samuel and Lin - lost their baby boy, but found new hope in JJ. Of course they always had a desire to become grandparents, but the world around them made the future uncertain. But here they were-  a baby in Dinas arms, a piece of Jesse living among them. They both embraced Dina, then Ellie, and promised to help out whenever it was needed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tommy walked in with Maria by his side, watching as Ellie figures out how to properly hold the babe - struggling at first, but with the help of Lin’s guidance she quickly gets the hang of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He won’t break, </span>
  <em>
    <span>tián xīn,</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘sweetheart’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>she promises, “just be sure to support his neck.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all get to hold him, passing him around like a sack of potatoes. Ellie sits by Dinas side, the two of them watching as JJ’s grandparents fusses over him, touching his soft hair and cooing at him like they’ve never seen a baby before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which, they probably haven’t in a while. Babies aren’t unusual in Jackson- but they’re not an everyday occurrence, either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s quite the charmer,” Tommy says, and Ellie swears she can hear the tears in voice. Of course he’d deny it, if ever asked. “Y’all are gonna make a fine pair of parents. I can tell.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Tommy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie looks him in the eyes, sincere and honest. he knows what she’s really thanking him for, and he nods with a small smile. All of them had been through more than any person ever should go through, but maybe this was their reward. Giving this boy a bright future, without going through hell and back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maria’s the one who finally ushers everyone out, after an hour or so. She promises they’re all going to have time with him later - he’s just been born, after all. she kisses both girls on the forehead before making her way to the door and closing it softly.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie settles next to Dina on the bed, carefully laying next to her. JJ sleeps peacefully at her breast, sated and full after eating his first meal ever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me I’m not dreaming.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina chuckles breathlessly, smiling down at her son. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at him, El,” it’s barley above a whisper, “he’s perfect. And he is </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere - somehow, Ellie can tell Joel is proud. And Jesse too. She feels it in her bones, and she knows she made the right decision when she picked her </span>
  <em>
    <span>home</span>
  </em>
  <span> all those months ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>////</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey- careful with that,” Dina chides, “it’s your dad’s favorites, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>JJ looks at her, seemingly thinking it over in his head. He shoves his hand in his mouth. Eh, she’ll take that as an answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come here.” she grabs him and settles him in her lap, wrapping her half-open winter coat around them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she starts, “we wanted to talk you you, right JJ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>he gurgles in agreement, toothless and curios. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, uh- Esther says he’s just fine. Apparently he just had a cold,” she chuckles, “we thought it was something </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> worse. We thought that maybe he was really sick or something, but it turned out to be a simple cold. So, that’s good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thinks for a moment, gathering her thoughts and thinking back to the last few days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right! Uhm, Louisa said that when we’re ready, JJ’s more than welcome to join the other kids in daycare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’ll be good for him- i think. Making friends and learning and stuff,” Dina nibbles on her lower lip, “we’ll miss him, of course. But- y’know, we have stuff to do and i really want to get back to work. Keeps me occupied, and centered.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>JJ stares up at her, and she can tell he’s struggling to stay awake; the warmth of his mother and the thick, soft coat wrapped around him making his eyes droop slowly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I guess we’ll go- before he falls asleep,” she lifts JJ out of the jacket and puts him on the ground in front of the gravestone. “Say bye-bye to daddy, JJ.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the toddler bends down awkwardly- almost falling, but Dina makes sure to keep him steady. He puts his hands on the ground, grabbing at the dirt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she chuckles softly, “maybe just use your words, yeah?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turns his head to look at her, curious. She tries to get him to say the words- ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>come on baby- say ‘bye-bye daddy!’. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He babbles a bit, like he’s actually trying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Buh</span>
  </em>
  <span>-</span>
  <em>
    <span>ye</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” he shrieks excitedly, clapping his hands in triumph. Dinas smile only grows wider. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s right, baby,” she stands up and places him on her hip, looking over the grave for a moment. “Soon you’ll be telling daddy all about your adventures.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walk back home and JJ falls asleep before they even make it to the porch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>///</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“His bottle is in the second cabinet right there, and if he gets fussy just give him Ollie- the blue one that looks kinda like an elephant- and-“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dina.” Samuel places a comforting hand on her shoulder, “he’s gonna be just fine. Lin and i will take care of him while you go out and have some fun, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She lets out a breath, shoulders relaxing. She can hear  Ellie making her way downstairs to join them, JJ on her hip, still a bit drowsy from his nap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Sam, Lin,” she smiles widely at the pair, “look who it is, JJ!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>JJ perks up a little at the mention of his name, turning his head to where his mama is pointing. And just like that he’s wide awake, squirming in Ellie’s arms and reaching for his grandmother. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ga-mah!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He babbles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello darling,” she coos, kissing his head. “We’re going to have so much fun tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all chuckle, and Dina points a warning finger at Samuel, “make sure they don’t have </span>
  <em>
    <span>too much</span>
  </em>
  <span> fun, ‘kay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nods along, serious. “I’ll keep an eye on them, you have my word.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina and Ellie make their way to the door, putting on their jackets and kissing JJ goodbye. He barely notices, though; too excited by his grandparents presence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They leave without worries, knowing he’s in safe hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>///</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie takes her to a small meadow inside Jackson’s walls. Well, calling it a meadow would be exaggerating; but it’s beautiful nevertheless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a big patch of grass, just by the edge of the town, the perfect spot for a picnic. They’re trying to grow stuff here- not food, just flowers and berries, if they actually start flourishing, that is.  They haven’t really had any luck yet, and Ellie thinks it’s because they don’t like her. she’s convinced that they’re not growing out of</span>
  <em>
    <span> spite</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because they can tell what a terrible farmer she is. Dina only laughs every time she mentions it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun has settled lower now, not enough to make it dark but just enough to create this beautiful sky, shining its light down on Jackson. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They get settled on the blanket, and Ellie starts pulling out the items inside the basket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a comforting silence as they eat and drink- ellie had managed to steal a bottle of wine from the mess hall - still getting used to the fact that a tiny human isn’t demanding their attention every minute. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s been a while; since they’ve had some time on their own. They both love JJ with everything they have- but it’s a lot, sometimes. And JJ loves his grandparents,  and they love him, so really,  it’s a win-win situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wanna show me the good stuff?” Dina asks, quirking her brow like she knows all of Ellie’s secrets. Which, she kinda does. Ellie looks confused at first, but catches on quickly. “You’re the biggest party pooper,” she says, “it was supposed to be a surprise!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The brunette scoffs, dramatically placing a hand on her chest. “Well excuse me,” she says, faking annoyance, “I’m not the one who </span>
  <em>
    <span>stole</span>
  </em>
  <span> it from the bar!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want the whiskey or not? ‘Cause I can just walk back to the bar right now and return it, nobody will ever know what-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ellie. Just pour me a goddamn drink, will you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie just laughs and pulls out the bottle from inside her jacket, screwing the cork off and taking a chug from it before passing it to Dina. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s getting darker now, the sun actually starting to set. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ellie looks over at Dina, the colors of the sunset landing on her and somehow making her even </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>beautiful. It still baffles her that out of all the people she could’ve chosen to be with - Dina picked her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you ever think we’d be here, like this?” Dina says, just above a whisper. Ellie looks away from her and up towards the stars starting to appear as it gets darker. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At first- no,” she sighs softly, honest, raw.  “I traveled a long way to get here, with Joel. Nearly died, so many times. But we had a purpose- or I thought we did. But really, all it did was lead us here. And the more i think about it the more I realize; maybe </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>was my purpose, to be here with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugs lightly, “I know Joel did what he did for a reason, and I spent </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> many years resenting him for it- blaming him for everything. It’s now that I realize that without him making that choice -  i would never have met you in the first place.” Dina reaches for her hand, squeezing it. “I wish he could’ve been here to see that. I want to tell him how sorry i am- and how </span>
  <em>
    <span>thankful</span>
  </em>
  <span> I am.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He knows that, babe.” Dina soothes, “and he knew before he left, too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie smiles sadly, a couple of tears making their way down her cheeks. “Yeah, I know,” she sniffles, “he knew how much I loved you before I even knew myself,” she snickers, teary-eyed and emotional. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’d ask me every day - ‘when are you gonna ask that girl of yours out Ellie’ or ‘I bet she’d love to hear ya sing her a song’.” They both let out a breathy laugh, remembering how stupid they were back then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, he did get one thing right.” Dina says with a smirk, her words coated in playfulness. “I would absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> to hear you sing me a song.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie’s on her feet in just second, reaching out and offering her hand to Dina. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lets go then; so i can play you a song.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dina takes her hand and stand up, but hesitates when ellie starts dragging her away. “El - JJ’s surely asleep by now and Lin and Sam are probably watching some movie-“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re not going back to the house,” ellie interupts her, leaning her head sideways, her lips forming a smirk. “Just trust me, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dina only nods and allows herself to be drawn away, her curiousness getting the better of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She recognizes where Ellie’s taking her immediately; having spent many nights with her lover in the garage by Joel’s house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it looks different somehow - and Dina realizes she must’ve planned all this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s fairy lights hanging around the door, and when Ellie take out the key and leads her inside Dina has to stop herself from crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie had cleaned the place up- re arranged some of the furniture, but what really made her heart ache with love was the way she had decorated it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were fairy lights inside too, hanging on the walls and creating a warm, cozy hue around them. The bed was full of soft pillows and pretty blankets, so many that Dina briefly wondered how she managed to get so many.  Ellie padded around, lighting some of the candles she’d placed out before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“El,” Dina gasped, awed. “This is- </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I mean- it’s beautiful.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie walked up to her from behind, snaking her arms around her lovers waist and gently laying her head on the brunettes shoulder. Dina leaned back into the embrace, still looking around the room;  a wide smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Ellie began, “you wanna hear me play, or what? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of answering, Dina turns around in the embrace, wasting no time before crashing her lips onto Ellie’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The guitar was left leaning against the wall, the two women occupied with each other on the bed, soft moans and heavy breathing echoing across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>///</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please! Please please </span>
  <em>
    <span>please please</span>
  </em>
  <span>-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright! Fine- just make sure Junipers mom and dad are okay with it, deal?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Deal!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie groans under her breath, scolding herself for not being able to say no to her son. She watches as JJ runs off, presumably to find juniper and her mom who’s supposed to pick her up today. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>JJ returns a moment later, running towards his mama, Juniper right next to him. His best friends mother trails behind, waving at ellie and giving her a soft smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come get you at six, yeah?” Laura fixes up her daughters shirt and brushes the hair out of her face, tightening her ponytail. She looks back at ellie, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give Dina my best, will you? And, oh- right! Jacob wanted me to thank you - his guitar works just fine now, maybe even better than before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Ellie just smiled and waved her hand dismissively, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“it’s no problem, I’m just glad I could help.” She opens the door, and the kids run out, Ellie and Laura trailing behind. “Say hi to Jacob from me and Dina, okay?” She tells Laura, who nods and puts her thumbs up in approval before walking the other way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Juniper and JJ talk and laugh all the way to the house, barely making it inside before he’s  dragging  her upstairs to his room, laughing at something funny she said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie had to take a moment to breathe, still standing in the hallway. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking hell,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thinks.  A warm and fuzzy feeling spreads through her like electricity, and she can feel it all the way to her fingertips. Her entire </span>
  <em>
    <span>being</span>
  </em>
  <span> filled with the sensation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She is so goddamn happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s standing in the hallway, tears streaming down her face-  but it’s the </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy</span>
  </em>
  <span> kind of tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ellie stares up at the ceiling, closing her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joel is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> proud of his babygirl, and he knows she can feel it in her, too. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are welcome - good comments and bad comments and everything in between!</p><p>Thank you for reading. <br/>The rest will be posted tomorrow- assuming my brain won’t stop me in some way. You never know. </p><p>Stay healthy and safe out there; the world is scary right now, even if you don’t feel affected by it. Call your family, check in on your friends. Help the BLM movement in any way you can- even if it’s just sharing a post on social media. </p><p>And if you struggled to get out of bed today but did- and even if you didn’t- I’m proud of you.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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